UC 曝光 3 篇失败文书及拒录原因

       今年的UC申请将在加州的当地时间11月30日截止，你准备的怎么样啦?

　　每年都有学生因为准备时间紧张，想把Common App的主文书稍微修改一下，就去进行UC的申请。听托普仕留学一句劝：千万不要这样做，UC有自己的文书风格，甚至与Common App的文书风格是相反的!

　　今天的文章给大家分享3篇UC官方给出的失败申请文书，从招生官的角度为大家解析，UC到底希望看到什么样的文书!

　　UC官方失败文书一

　　PIQ question #5 - Sample 1

　　"love being a kid with no worries or problems. I was in my little world. having the best time, but that's when my alarmclock hit, I was back to reality, rubbing my eyes, I looked across my room and noticed my older sister wasn'tin her bed:strange, I said to myselfI didn't see her get home last nighteither. Walking towards the bathroom, I tum to my right, myparents' door wde open. bed neat When doing school at home. I realized problems as Ihadnt seen them before. Ourmoney problems were worse than I thought: opening the fridge and not seeing any food, the inability to find a house. nonecessities. My older sister could not balance work and college while doing college during the day and work at night, whilemy dad worked the whole day and rarely saw him. My mom could not cook for us as there was no food in the fridge. and slept on an empty stomach, seeing my older sisters cying from the stress Watching this made me feel useless. I wouldbe overthinking what to do, and I couldn'tfocus on academics. Everything around me distracted me. I couldn't help findinga job as my parents didn't want that. In these moments, the best way to help was to have my grades up

　　Looking at my older sister and Dad's physiques, I saw their red eyes, eyebrows, and weak bodies. My eyes watered, and

　　my mom and I stared at each other. seeing our loved ones were overworked. But something was missing in our tiny homeThe atmosphere was dulland dark, needing a spark of optimism. Iwanted to be a postive family member, so that is what lbecame. I started helping around the house more wth my mom and litle sister. giving out messages of positive advice. Ileamed that life hits in the wrong places, but we don't let it get inside our heads. No matter what strikes my family and me.we will be okay."

　　文书题目是：描述你所面临的最重大的挑战，以及你为克服这一挑战所采用的方法，这一挑战对你的学业成绩有何影响?

　　在家上网课时，我逐渐意识到问题的严重性：家庭经济困境超出想象——冰箱空空如也，找不到房子，日常用品短缺。姐姐白天上学夜间打工难以兼顾，父亲整日工作不见踪影，母亲因冰箱没有食物无法做饭，我常饿着肚子入睡，目睹姐姐们因压力崩溃哭泣。

　　看着这一切，我觉得自己毫无用处。我反复思忖对策导致无法专注学业，周遭一切都令我分心。父母不愿我打工，我只能通过提高成绩来帮助家庭。看着姐姐和父亲泛红的眼眶与消瘦的身形，我和母亲对视时泪水盈眶，心痛家人的过度劳累。

　　我们这个狭小的家中缺失了某种东西。氛围沉闷且压抑，需要注入一丝乐观。我想成为一个积极的家庭成员，于是开始协助母亲和妹妹打理家务，传逆积极的建议。我领悟到：生活虽会重击软肋，但我们绝不让它侵蚀内心。无论遭遇什么，我和家人都能挺过去。

　　招生官给出的拒绝理由：这位学生用大量篇幅在“卖惨”，只说TA面临的困难，一句话带过帮助家庭，总体给人的感觉像一直在抱怨。实际没有提出任何解决方案，也没有说清自己做了哪些事情去克服的困难，以及对TA的学业究竟有什么程度的影响。

　　UC官方失败文书二

　　PIQ Question #6 - Sample 4

　　"There are many different academic subjects that many people take solace in Alot of the academic subjects canbecome hobbies and bring peace into someone's confusing life. One of my favorite academic subjects is mathMathematics is a subject that offers a unique blend of logic, creativity. and problem-soling. and provides a sense ofpeace and fufilment to many people. Mathematics is a language that the universe uses to describe the patterns andstructures found in the natural world.Inside the Classroom. I have been able to engage with challenging topics. Leamning not to shy away from difficultproblems and instead embrace challenging mathematical concepts and tackle complex problems. From this, 'veeamed to deepen my understanding and enhance my problem-soving skils. I've also been able to be a more activeparticipant in cassrooms, from discussionsI can provide new perspectives and leam from my fellow peers as well.Outside the Classroom. I've engaged with Mathematics Enrichment Programs like Math Enrichment and EvergreenValley Community College Classes. These programs often featured lectures, interactive sessions, and problem-solvingactivities conducted by experienced mathematicans My interest in math has also led me to engage in math-basedhobbies like chess and coding. These activities often require mathematical knowe dge and promote intellectual growth,curiosity, and critical thinkingIn conclusion, mathematics has lluminated my academic and personal pursuits. By embracing challenging conceptsand actively engaging in discussions. 've sharpened my problem-solving skils and deepened my understanding. Mydedication to this subject is not just a pursuit of a grade, but a way of shaping my woridview and enhancing my critical thinking."

　　文书题目是：想一个激励你的学术科目。描述你是如何在课堂内外进一步培养学术兴趣的。

　　许多学科都能让人们感到心灵慰藉，许多学科也可以成为爱好，为迷茫的人生带来宁静。我最喜欢的学科之一是数学，它是一门融合了逻辑性、创造力和解决问题能力的独特学科，为许多人带来了平和与满足。数学是宇宙用来描绘自然界中发现的规律和结构的语言。

　　课堂上，我参与最具挑战性的话题。学会不再畏惧难题，而是主动拥抱复杂的数学概念，迎难而上解决棘手问题。这一过程让我不断深化认知，提升解题能力。在课堂讨论中，我逐渐成为更积极的参与者，既能提出新颖见解，也能从同龄人的思维中汲取智慧。

　　课堂之外，我参与了数学拓展项目，例如数学拓展和常青谷社区学院课程。这些课程常由经验丰富的数学老师授课，通过专题讲座、互动研讨与解题实践展开教学。我对数学的热爱也延伸至国际象棋和编程等需要数学思维的爱好，这些活动持续激发着我的智力成长、求知欲与批判性思维。

　　总之，数学照亮了我的学术和人生追求。通过接受具有挑战性的概念和积极参与讨论，我提高了解决问题的能力，也拓展了认知边界。我对这门学科的执着不仅是追求学业成绩、更是塑造了世界观、提升了思维深度。

　　招生官给出的拒绝理由：缺乏学生个人的“声音”，以及具体的细节和例子。文书里还存在大量重复的句子和不必要的定义，给人很“虚”的感觉。

　　UC官方失败文书三

　　PIQ Question #8 - Sample 5

　　"Why do you play video games so much?" My parents asked me

　　They only knew of video games as a useless, time-consuming. waste. For me. however, it was more than that. Itwas howI became comfortable socializing. Throughout my lite. I had never been very social and even struggled to talk to adults and other people aroundme. I often found myself choosing to stay quiet for fear of being made fun of because of my isp. On top of that, Ihad the same small group of friends moving from middle school going into high school, which made life changes even more nerve-racking.

　　However. during my freshman year and the folwing summer,. Iwas able to meet and connect wth several new people through online video games. Everyone was playing online games due to the lockdowns, which led to being invited to online communities with peoplelhad never met before. Before long. Ifound myself conecing within those communities and being more sociable. As a resut, this made me more comfortable around peers in my own grade and showed me thatthere is no need to be woried about meeting new people

　　Video games have taughtme to be more comfortable when talking to crowds of people as well, which has carried over to many aspectsof my lie. It showed me to be confident and speak loudly when presenting in front of people in my job interview. and beyond that whenIwould converse with customers and my coworkers wthout being anxious. It has led me to meet many new people Iwouldn't haveotherwse met, and many of my friends would now even describe me as talkative and extroverted. Overall. I have realized being soclals a great asset in connecting with my cassmates and teammates, and I owe it all to video games. By playng vdeo games. Ilearnedthat being sociable and confident are tools that can help me, and those around me, grow. So take that. Mom and Dad."

　　文书题目是：除了申请中分享的内容外，你认为哪些因素使你成为加州大学有力的候选人?

　　“你为什么这么爱打游戏?”我的父母曾这样问我。

　　他们认为电子游戏不过是无用且耗费时间的消遣。但于我而言，意义远不止于此。这是我适应社交的方式。从小到大，我向来不擅长社交，甚至很难与成年人和周围人交谈。我经常保持沉默，因为害怕口齿不清而被嘲笑。更不用说从初中到高中始终面对着同样的小圈子，每次环境变化都让我倍感煎熬。

　　然而，在高一和接下来的夏天，我通过线上游戏我结识了一些新朋友。那段特殊时间，每个人都在玩网游，我也因此被拉进陌生的线上社群。不久，我发现自己在这些社群中建立了联系，变得更善于交流。这种改变让我能坦然面对同龄人，也让我知道原来结识新朋友根本无需忐忑。

　　电子游戏还让我学会了在人们面前从容表达，这份能力影响着我生活的方方面面。无论是求职面试时自信洪亮的陈述,还是与顾客同事谈笑风生的日常，我不再焦虑不安。这让我遇到了许多我本来不会遇到的新朋友，如今朋友们甚至评价我健谈外向。总的来说，我意识到社交能力是与同学和队友建立联系的纽带，而这一切都要归功于电子游戏。正是玩游戏让我懂得，开朗与自信不仅是自我成长的利器，更能帮助身边之人。这下你们明白了吧，爸爸妈妈。

　　招生官给出的拒绝理由：学生写这篇文书的语气非常傲慢，没有细节，也没有回答PIQ题目问的问题，看文书内容只会给人一种“这个学生在反抗爸爸妈妈”的感觉，让招生官迷茫，不知道学生为什么要通过文书告诉他们这样的信息。

　　透过以上真实范例，可以明显看出，想要成功录取到UC，切忌花里胡哨，华而不实，也切忌重复某个故事/内容。招生官眼中优秀的文书都是简单明了、平铺直叙，但可以很好展现个人成长、特点和多样性的。

　　UC的文书偏好讲清楚了，有没有往届的UC录取范文可供学习参考呢? 当然有!众所周知，UC 新生的PIQ有8道问题，每一题所关注的点都有所不同。托普仕留学拥有丰富美本申请经验，如果你需要文书打磨指导，欢迎咨询托普仕留学了解详情。